It's up to you lot to keep them coming 'cause believe me I got worse one's than that

Worra Wabbit!!.................

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and
cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer,
and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub,
(because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the
Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leave

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie,
please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie,
and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie,
please barman,

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right
out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..'

The rabbit looks aghast...

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his
throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says,

'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll
love it.'

'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion
Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the
toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

..NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who
has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form,
floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?',

To which he is answered,

'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
Toastie.

Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham
and Cheese Toasties..

You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED' ,said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause The rabbit said...










'Mixin-me-toasties.'

JD,

Inta the corner with Frank.

Actually I do not mind shaggy dog stories but a bloke should never admit it.

Always received with a groan and followed by that was terrible or equally derogatory statements.

No don't get a big head, back inta the corner with you.

Might have to start a special category for you two.

SD

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and
we all could probably use more calm in our lives!

Some doctor on the TV this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace
is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished
and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of 101
Wild Turkey, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, abutle of vocka, a
pockage of Pringlies, tha mainder of a botl Prozic and Valum sscriptins, the
res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.

Yu haf no idr who frekin gud I fel.
Pleas pas dis orn to anyy yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.
Tank u.

Frank,

You can come out of the corner now!

SD

Geez. cant believe how shaggy those jokes are..Shags!! I reckon you should change your user name..I wouldn't like to be associated with the couple of Shaggy dog stories related recently....I Like the more traditional, belly laugh type jokes like the one that won the best joke competition run by the Kings Cross Whisper back in the sixties...goes like this...
There was this fella who loved eating pie & peas..twas almost an obsession, ..would eat them 5 or 6 times a week..Only trouble was it made him pass wind something fierce for a few hours after each meal.. One day, he met this lovely young lass and started dating her and all was O.K. cos he wouldn't eat his pie n peas before going out with her. After a while they got more and more serious and, as she was a real lady, he had to make a decision ...her or the pie and peas cos he wanted to marry her....He decided to give up the Pie n' peas and marry her!.........A couple of years later, he was on his way home from work when he passed this new take-away shop which had a big sign out front.. "THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL....PIE AND PEAS $2.75." with a picture of a golden crusty pie alongside a mound of green peas with a bit of butter and a wisp of steam rising from it! It was too much..He decided that he'd pop in and have a quick feed and that he should have exhausted his gasses by the time he got home. So in he went, and it was glorious..afterwards, he jumped in his car and proceeded homewards...Didn't take long and away he went,,lifted the cheeks and carried on like a brass band...When he got near home, he was still going strong so drove round the block a few times to try to exhaust the supply..eventually it started to improve so he drove into the garage, gave one last 'trombone' and , as he went inside was met by his young wife who said "Darling, where have you been?..I have a surprise for you..put on this blindfold" So as she leads him into the dining room he can feel this enormous pressure building up again..Just as she's about to remove the blindfold, the phone rings in the other room so she says "Drat, sit there, dont move, I'll see who it is"....As soon as he hears her talking on the phone in the other room, he lifts his cheek and lets go one helll of a fart..the smell is overpowering so he fumbles for the napkin, stands up blindfolded and fans it vigorously, shakes his pants, and as he can hear her hanging up, resumes his seat. She comes in, removes the blindfold, 12 people sitting at the table... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"

That's a ruddy blipper Frank.

Cheers...

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner..

'Good morning,' said the young man.
"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open.
'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration'.

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said,

' Well I hope you've got a bloody good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.

What part of BROKE do you not understand???? '