don't die in debt & don't leave the kids too much
they are cotradictory IF you are an asset owner; most of us would own our own home and at the end of our 'working' lives won't owe on it (i'm not one of that group yet). when it gets sold after our deaths (& i know then none of us will care) the kids will be jetting off first class or paying out their mortgages (depending on where they are in their life cycle)
if you don't own assets then they won't be getting too much anyway
the problem is how to use the 'locked equity' in a home to help our lifestyles when we no longer have a 'working' income.
the obvious way is to 'die in debt' where you owe less than what the assets are worth; assets sold, debt paid & small amount left over for kids
the problem here though is while "in debt" there is an 'extra' charge on the equity that is reducing the lifestyle available funds (called interest !!)
but if you are prepared to forgo some of the equity into finance charges; it is possible to use @ 40%-80% of your equity in the house to enhance your lifestyle
general disclaimer
i'm not registered to accept money for advice therefore the above can only be "my opinion"